The first three months of a queer women’s relationships tell you everything you need to know. But when it’s going wrong, we girls sometimes tend to ignore the warning signs and tell ourselves lovely lies.
But chances are, if she’s showing three or more of these signs, then she’s probably getting ready to call it quits.
If you like someone, you’ll actually have to physically restrain yourself from speed-texting back. So if she’s suddenly cold on texting, she’s probably not that into you. If it’s gone past six hours, dude, give it up. Sorry, no one is that busy.
This is called peacocking. She’s showing off on social media for a new pair of eyes. If she’s starting to post daily bedroom selfies and “LOL, OMG, I’m so much fun!” statuses, then get ready for her to move on.
Any change in social media habits is worrying. So if she was an oversharer before and suddenly goes off the grid, then maybe she doesn’t want you to know where she is. Or who she is with.
Oh, my texts weren’t coming through? How weird. How incredibly inconvenient and awkward. AND ALSO A LIE!
There’s a special place in hell for the guy who decided to allow read receipts to be disabled. How’s a gal supposed to obsessively track her crush if she doesn’t have the timestamp of her last online activity?! See you in hell, douchebag.
Her friends will have been witness to every detail of your fling so far. If you’re getting pitying looks or avoiding gazes from her friends, they’re preparing themselves for the breakup. They’ll have seen it coming long before you.
The joy of dating a woman is that (contrary to popular belief) we tend to chill out on the dressing up a lot quicker than hetero couples. Straight women wear push-up bras and full makeup for months, but us lady-loving ladies tend to shrug it off after a few weeks. So if she’s gone from hoodies in the park to Winehouse eyeliner (#WineLiner) at all times, then she’s looking to get back on the market. She isn’t doing that shit for you.
If you take one piece of advice away from any of this, let it be the following: If you ever hear the phrase “Yeah, maybe I’ll see you later?” in response to a direct invite, then she’s being a dick. This is not only her covering herself in case something better comes along (“I did only say maybe. “) it also puts you in an eternal state of “dibs.” She knows you can’t make plans with other potential dates in case she decides to grace you with her presence. If you’re ever given the “Yeah, maybe.” then maybe she should just go away already.
She has the kindest of regards and highest of standards for her friends, neighbors, and colleagues. But when it comes to timekeeping or courtesy with you and those same rules don’t seem to apply, she’s an assclown.
Nights in with OITNB reruns become less regular. Now she wants to hit the town or hang out with groups of friends. Chances are, she is starting to hook up with one of them. (P. S. It’s usually the one she’s actively NOT looking at.)
We all know this one. Screen hiding and taking her phone to the bathroom with her is a massive red flag. Don’t even do yourself the indignity of trying to see it. Don’t be that girl. Just move on.
This may seem obvious, but have you ever noticed how the girl you like or her friends/family always describe you as “Wow, she’s so smiley!” at first? That’s because you can’t believe your luck so can’t stop grinning. If she’s stopped smiling, she’s no longer into you. Look out for it.
Aside from the obvious turning away or not holding hands, notice if she’s covering her mouth with her hands more than usual. This is a proven sign she’s thinking something she can’t say out loud. Usually something like “Damn, that barmaid is hot. I wish I wasn’t with [your name here] right now.”
Where you’d always have time for each other or make plans ahead of time, she starts being really vague, sometimes even waiting to the last minute to make plans. Simple rule: if she’s not treating you like a priority, then you aren’t one. Walk away.
So in theory, once a girl has come out of a long-term relationship, she needs some time before she can commit again. This doesn’t generally count with gay girls. We’re pair-bonders. If you’re the right girl for her, timing isn’t going to be an issue. So if she’s banging on about “I’m just out of a relationship, let’s take it slow,” then what she really means is that she probably does want someone, just not you.
Nuh-uh. I don’t care if you’re “starting out casual.” If she’s slept with someone else and this is fine, then you guys aren’t going to be.
Please. If queer women like someone, we go all in. Work is one of the best excuses of all time to sack someone off, so if you’re hearing this a lot, then she’s probably just on her sofa watching Netflix and actively not texting you back.
To put it simply, if you have any doubts, then you’re probably right. The best thing to do is to get yourself the hell out of that situation before she does it for you. Staying connected to someone who is lukewarm about you not only harms your self-esteem but closes you off from finding someone who truly cares about you. So stop wasting your time. Odds are, once you’ve walked away, she’ll change her tune. But by then you’ll be far too busy dating someone who actually wants to spend time with you to give a shit about her. Go do that.