Dating a woman going through a nasty divorce
If you’re considering or faced with divorce, choosing a divorce attorney is one of the most important decisions you’ll make. The quality of and compatibility with your attorney are vital factors in terms of maximizing your potential to achieve as much financial security as possible during the divorce process and beyond.
No matter how urgent or difficult the situation, it pays to take time to interview attorneys and check out their credentials before you make a decision.
As you begin the process of selecting the attorney that will hopefully partner with you to bring your divorce to as successful a conclusion as possible, here are six dos and don’t designed to help you identify the most professional and experienced attorney possible.
We know that going through the divorce process is difficult, but it’s important that everything is handled properly. There are several different factors that you should consider when you’re choosing a divorce attorney to work with you through this process.
1. Do Seek Specific Experience: While many attorneys could handle your divorce, you deserve an attorney who works full time in family law and has practiced in this specific area for a number of years. Such experienced attorneys will have:
An in-depth understanding of the divorce process
Familiarity with the inner workings of courts
Experience working with local judges and attorneys
Specific family law accreditations and certifications
Bar admissions to state Supreme Court, and state Court of Appeals
Every person and situation is different, which means that there isn’t a lawyer around that will work well for everyone. It’s important that you find a lawyer that has years of experience working with similar clients. Sure, there are thousands of lawyers that are legally able to help you, but not all of them have experience in that arena.
2. Don’t Believe Promises or Guarantees: If you meet with an attorney and are promised a specific outcome, such as a guaranteed number of years of alimony or that you will receive custody of your children, treat that with extreme skepticism. No attorney, based on one meeting or hearing one side of the story, can make any kind of prediction as to the ultimate outcome of a divorce.
In fact, even when the facts of a case are on your side, outcomes are unpredictable. Any experienced family attorney with integrity will not make promises that may not be fulfilled.
One of the most common things that you’ll hear when you’re looking for a lawyer is that they promise that they will get you the money that you deserve. You should never believe this, especially before the lawyer has gathered all of the information. Nobody can predict the future, and they are only out to get you to choose them, which could be one of the worst mistakes that you make while going through the divorce.
3. Do Obtain a Retainer Agreement: Right from the beginning, you need to understand exactly what the financial arrangements are of the agreement between you and your attorney. “A retainer agreement protects the client as much as it protects the attorney,”.
The retainer agreement should be very specific and you should take time to read it thoroughly and make sure you understand it before signing it. If you don’t understand it, ask questions. It should make a provision for monthly statements with a detailed accounting of everything that your attorney worked on and how long it took, among other issues.
4. Don’t Act Emotionally: Separation, divorce, and custody issues are extremely emotional. However, it’s important to be as objective as possible when hiring a lawyer and determining tactics. Take time to interview several attorneys and don’t be afraid to get more than one opinion. It may cost you more money because the best attorneys charge for an initial consultation, but it will be money well spent.
Most experts suggest that you look for at least three potential lawyers. You shouldn’t ever hire the first attorney that you interview. Just like every divorce situation is different, every attorney is different. It’s important that you compare some of your options to decide which one would work best for you. Not only do you need to find a lawyer with experience, but you also need to find one that you’re comfortable with and has excellent communication skills.
Be wary of any attorneys who try to win short-term battles with tactics such as having a husband served in front of the children because that can backfire and ultimately cause damage to your case and your relationship with your children.
5. Do Trust Your Gut: Since the divorce and also safekeeping procedure involves the intimate details of your life and your family members’s life, it is very important to be comfortable with the attorney who will be handling your divorce. “Do not hesitate to go with your gut feeling– your attorney is someone with which you will be sharing lots of intimate details of your life,”.
When you’re doing your attorney search, you must always try to find any type of warning signs that keep you a worried sensation. It could be something as little as just how they talk about other legal representatives or how they communicate with you and words that they pick. No matter just what it is, ensure you’re going with your gut and trusting your own instincts.
6. Don’t Go on Faith; Understand the Strategy: A caring, experienced attorney will outline a coherent plan designed to achieve the best possible outcome to your divorce, rather than expecting you to go along with a “fly by the seat of the pants” strategy, according to Miller. “Your attorney should walk you through the strategy he or she will employ to achieve your goal after discussing your goals and objectives with you and determining what is the most realistic course,” she adds.
7. Ask Plenty of Questions
This tip might seem a little obvious, but a lot of women going through a divorce are scared to ask their lawyers questions. They are worried about sounding dumb or pushy.
It’s important that you ask as many questions that you have. We’ve mentioned that every lawyer is different, which means that they will handle your situation differently. Before you go to meet a lawyer, go ahead and write out a list of questions that you want to ask.
These questions could be as simple as “how many years of experience do you have?” or “how much experience do you have with the judges in the area” or any similar questions. When you’re searching for an attorney, it’s a vital decision, and there are no dumb questions when you’re going through the divorce process.
If you’re worried that you’ll forget to ask a specific question, or that you won’t be comfortable asking certain questions, then you can always take a friend or family member with you to the appointment. Not only can they help you ensure that you’re asking the right questions, but they can also give you the emotional support that you’ll need to get through the process.
These are just a few of the dos as well as don’ts that you ought to make note of when you’re looking for the best legal representative. There are lots of various factors that you should think about. If you have any extra concerns or concerns regarding your search, don’t be reluctant to contact us today. We would be happy to respond to those questions
Experiencing the divorce procedure is psychological and also difficult. There are few things that are mosting likely to make it simpler, yet having the best legal representative will certainly make the process less stressful.
Y ou’ve been warned about them. But here’s what a rebound relationship truly is. It’s any romantic relationship entered into shortly after ending another romantic relationship. Sound vague? That’s because it is. What does “shortly after” even mean? An hour, a week, a year? It’s all a little murky, isn’t it?
And then there’s the whole judgment thing.
Rebound relationships leave a bad taste in the mouth. The general opinion is that they’re never any good for both people involved.
After all, who gets into a new relationship before the ink on their separation agreement or divorce decree is even dry? Before they’re done with their grieving? Before they’ve figure out who they are now that the dust is settled? The truth is, many people do.
Some people quickly enter a new romantic relationship because they want to distract themselves from the pain of their divorce or remain in the same type of living arrangement they had before their divorce.
Others do so because their Ex is already in another relationship. They believe that if their Ex is already moving on, then they should, too. AND, of course, they’ll make sure their Ex knows about how happy they are with their much more successful, attractive, smart, young, and “sane” new significant other.
Some people enter a rebound relationship because of the excitement. A rebound is a way to explore their newfound independence or to experience what it is to be sexual again after years of feeling unlovable.
Sometimes there are people who are already in another relationship while married, divorcing, or moving out. Those relationships are complicated and fall into their own category—let’s say the ball (sticking with the rebound metaphor) never hit the ground but got passed instead. These relationships may last, or they may be a function of distraction, excitement, and taboo. And when the marriage is officially no more, those feelings may dissipate; with the reality of everyday and its mundane responsibilities making the relationship seem suddenly boring. But if not, and the relationship lasts, a whole new set of challenges are presented for the one who left the marriage without hitting pause to reflect on what really went wrong.
Then there are those who enter into rebound relationships to heal and move on with their lives. These people know that their divorce recovery is textured, a process, and a healthy relationship (see more below) won’t keep them from growing.
So, you can see that not all rebound relationships are the same. They’re not all harmful. Some truly are healing.
How do you know if your rebound relationship is healing instead of harmful?
You and your new partner are upfront about your personal situations, emotions, and what you’re expecting from the relationship. If not, then at least one of you will be very hurt when it ends.
One of the great things about being in a relationship is the ability to learn more about yourself. If you enter this one with an intention to learn more about yourself, your likes and dislikes, and how you behave in a relationship, then you’ll be presented with new opportunities to learn, grow, and move on from your divorce (and maybe, eventually, from your rebound relationships).
Being curious about who your partner is means that you’re not using them to make you feel better. Instead, you’re seeing them as an individual with their own wants, needs. . . and baggage.
You’ll teach your new partner how to treat you by modeling it for them. Do you want to be treated with kindness and respect? Then treat yourself that way in addition to treating them that way.
Healing through being in a relationship means that you’ll discover things that need to be dealt with. Maybe you’ll discover that something your new partner does triggers you. Maybe you’ll discover that you entered this relationship because it felt familiar instead of healthy. Maybe you chose this partner because he seems 180 degrees opposite to your EX. Whatever baggage you discover, your awareness of it and appropriately dealing with it is part of your healing journey.
Most rebound relationships, including the healing ones, are relatively short-lived. The good thing about the healing ones, though, is that each one is a stepping-stone that carries you closer to a good and lasting relationship with yourself and perhaps, if you want, a relationship with someone else too.
Just what makes a good relationship—one that can last? When you mutually agree to and practice the following.
You and your mate are upfront about your personal situations, emotions, and what you’re expecting from the relationship.
Your mate can be your greatest teacher. Your partner will reflect back to you things you do, things you don’t like about yourself, and things about being in a relationship. The key is to have the willingness to learn and grow. Are you listening to what your partner is saying?
Being in a good long-term relationship requires that you are still curious about your partner. When you believe there’s nothing more to learn or discover about them, you begin taking them for granted. However, if you can remain curious and you both continue to grow, your relationship can keep its vitality.
It doesn’t matter what type of a romantic relationship you’re in, you’re always modeling for your partner how to treat you. Take care of yourself, and treat yourself with kindness and respect.
It’s rare that a person has no baggage at all. So, expect that you’ll have to deal with your own baggage while you’re in your relationship. Because you’re in a good relationship, your partner will likely support you in your efforts to deal with it—just as you’ll support them.
Making a commitment to each other and consistently putting in the effort to create a good relationship
This is key for any long-term relationship. This level of commitment is also directly connected to the other items on this list being in good order (or at least on the way to being in good order) for both of you.
And, no, this list isn’t some giant typo.
There really isn’t too much difference between the characteristics of healing rebound relationships and good relationships. They are both about promoting growth, support, self-love, and mutual respect.
The main difference is the level of commitment and the possibility of outgrowing each other. With a rebound relationship, the commitment level isn’t lifelong. Because you enter these relationships needing to heal, it’s more likely that one or both of you will move on quickly.
So, let’s get back to the original question:
“After divorce, are you destined for rebound relationships?”
Hopefully you are, but not the kind with the bad connotation. Hopefully, you’re destined for the healing type of rebound relationships that you can use as lovely stepping stones toward either a wonderful committed relationship that helps you both blossom as the unique people you are or a lovely life as a fulfilled single woman.
Since 2012, smart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner them through the challenging experience of divorce and recreation. Now you can secure female-centered support, information, and next steps if you are rebuilding your life with Paloma’s Group, our virtual, post-divorce group coaching class for women only. Classes start September 26. To promote sisterhood and protect confidentiality, please know space is limited. Visit for details.
“I am so happy to have these sisters on the journey with me! Our connection is very productive, very powerful. We’ve met each other with a warm full heart! I feel understood — at last — because I know these women get it! They are going through the same thing. Our connection has ended any sense of isolation or alienation that on and off, I’ve been struggling with.
Thank you for bringing us together and creating Paloma’s Group!”