High school senior girl dating freshman boy
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This all sounds very promising. At your age, the number and length of girlfriends seems about right – and at least you got out of the ones that weren’t working for you. From what you say here, it all sounds promising.
However, there are some legal issues you need to consider: Once you are 18, anyone under 16 is legal trouble if it does get sexual– and it probably will. Nature’s pretty intense about that. BOTH of you need to consider that because, trust me, you aren’t the only one with urges, no matter how strong you believe yours to be. She’s going to get a lot more enticing if you hold back without explaining your reasoning – and getting her agreement.
There are going to be changes, too, when you do go off to adulthood. It won’t be easy, for either of you. As young adults, you both will go through some personality/self-image changes, that’s why it’s called “growing up”. Either of you can lose interest in a snap! and once that happens, it’s difficult to get interest back. So be wary of it, and honest with each other.
She, moreso than you, I think, will change. She’s so young! She will change at 18 a little, but in her mid-twenties, she’s going to change a whole lot more; of course, right now, it’s all gooey romantic, and even she doesn’t believe it will ever happen, but it will. She will regret it if she allows you to be a father-figure, so make sure you encourage her to be independent. Keep talking to each other and you might make it through.
I’ve got the nicest 90-year old man in my facility – Dorman – he and his wife have been married almost seventy-years; they were high school sweethearts. She’s still alive and living independently (which is rather scary given how she walks) and she drives in twice a week (which is REALLY scary, given how bad her heart is) to visit, have lunch, cut his hair and sit and read the paper with him. Almost seventy years – think about that. They met at just about the ages you two are now. And they still love each other immensely.
Go for it. You’ll never know until you try.
And Good Luck to you and she.
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Senior and freshman isn’t the biggest age difference in the world, but it’s also not insignificant. Age might be “just a number,” but it’s a number that often changes relationships in very specific ways.
Here’s the thing that worries me:
You’re a lot older. 3 years — heck, 10 years — isn’t a big deal when you’re 25, but it’s a big deal in high school. You have, likely, a lot more relationship experience than she does. 5 relationships. Wow. That’s a lot.
What this means is that you’re setting up your relationship for a very dangerous Power dynamic.
Picture this. You’re falling for her — and fast. You tell her that you love her after, say, a month. That scares her a little, but then she thinks, That’s not weird. He obviously knows what he’s doing.
Now I’m not trying to say that “I Love You” one month in is weird or not (okay, it’s a bit weird, but typical for high schoolers). But, when one person hides their discomfort with a situation — sexual, emotional, whatever — because they assume the other person is superior, it’s a problem.
A little bit later (or sooner), you’re messing around a little. She’s getting a bit concerned at the rate you’re moving sexually. But she doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t want to look young and stupid. Or, maybe she’s just a little uncomfortable because it feels like that’s All you do, but again. with all your additional age and experience, you probably know what’s normal. And she doesn’t want to look weird.
Or, maybe she just gets caught up in the fact that she Finally has a boyfriend. Her friends probably haven’t had many relationships, so they can’t really give her great advice about what’s normal and what’s not. She gets a little uncomfortable about things, but who can she talk to? If she talks to her friends — well, they’re just say, “we told you so!”
I have seen this happen so, so many times. It’s no surprise to me that the guys who are responding are saying, “go for it!” Yes, well, they haven’t been a high school girl (probably). It’s hard enough to be a high school girl (who are Incredibly unsure of themselves and faced with lots of mixed messages in society about what they should be) and figure out boys and relationships without adding in these dangerous power dynamics.
That said, you like this girl and she likes you. You’re going to go for it regardless of what anyone says. So I’ll just leave you with some advice:
- Make sure she feels very comfortable with everything. Go out of your way to make sure that she’s okay. Bring up conversations about sexual and emotional topics, before they happen. Make her talk about them. If she can’t talk about it, she’s not ready. If she speaks up about Any discomfort, listen to her Immediately. She’s probably much more uncomfortable than she’s admitting to. Back off immediately from whatever you’re doing. You can ask her to clarify so that you can understand her perspective, but it needs to be very clear that her discomfort is a Correct and valid feeling. It doesn’t need an explanation to be valid. Finally, be careful about statutory rape laws. Depending on which state you’re in (and which states you travel to), any sexual contact might qualify as statuatory rape. I believe you’re located in Ohio, and based on my reading of the law, 18 and 15 is statutory rape. It is Not up to the parents’ discretion — or hers — to press charges. Even if you’re only 17 right now, if you turn 18 before she turns 16, you’re again in statutory rape land. You really, really don’t want to wind up as a sex offender.
Observe the Dan Savage (author and media profile) Campsite Rule: In relationships with a large age disparity, at the end of the relationship, the elder partner should leave the younger in “better shape than they found them”. This includes no diseases, no fertilized eggs, no undue emotional trauma, and whatever education that can be provided.
You will be this girl’s first formative relationship. You need to be prepared for that.
PS: As others have said, please learn about paragraph breaks. Keep yourself to 2 – 5 sentences per paragraph, max. Also, learn how to focus on the details that matter. For example, you say this:
I have met her parents, twice now, and April says that her parents really seem to like me (and the fact that they keep letting me hang out with her is probably a good sign as well, haha). All you actually need to say is “Her parents like me and approve.”
Dear Mom of High School Freshman,
It is hard not to feel, in those weeks leading up to the first day of freshman year, that you and your child have finally hit the big leagues. Because you have. High school is, in many ways, a break with everything that has gone before. Suddenly your child, and let’s be honest he may look like a young adult but is still very much a child, is in a world where sex, drugs, alcohol, along with high academic demands, competitive sports, and college are all part of the vernacular. It can seem overwhelming, almost too much.
Deep breath. Don’t worry. Adolescence is almost like a rerun of the earliest years of childhood, with both physical and intellectual change occurring at a startling pace, new dangers appearing all the time and an unending need for sleep and food. High school takes four years because that is the minimum it takes for both kids and parents to transition from the final days of childhood to the first moments of adulthood. She will have enough time and so will you.
Here are some of the pointers for your high school Freshman:
DO NOT. College admissions is a dark grey fog that will at some point descend upon your home. Put this off for as long as possible, reminding yourself and your kid that high school should be about high school. Tell your teen that ninth grade is about 1. Exploring new activities and making new friends 2. Taking whatever activity you already love to the next level and 3. Getting good grades and acclimatizing to the rigors of high school. That is it. Everything else comes later.
The single caveat would be that parents can mention college to expel the notion (an urban myth) that freshman grades do not count for college admissions. All grades count.
You child is in uncharted territory, for her. And while you may not be a hovering parent it would not hurt to stick close for the first few months. A close eye on who she is making friends with, how and when she is getting her work done and her general health, would not go amiss. Some kids stumble with their time management as they enter high school and find themselves up late, sleeping inadequately and getting on a vicious cycle. Parents can help with this, establishing routines, limits on social media and strict bedtime. Sleep for teens is like water for plants, it is not pretty when they don’t get enough.
A wise headmaster once suggested to ninth grade parents that they think long and hard about curfews. He explained it this way, “Think about what time is okay for a high school senior to come in a night. Realize that every year you will want to move their curfew back a little bit in acknowledgment of their growing maturity and freedom. Then work backwards four years. If you start ninth grade at midnight, you will soon find yourself in trouble.” Couldn’t have said it better.
If you have not been talking about the hard stuff, drugs, birth control, sex, consent….this is the time to start. If you have been talking, double down. Your child is now in world where these issues arise, if not for them (hopefully!) for schoolmates, and the time to talk is early and often. Every family has its own mores and values and every ninth grader should know them. Over time, they may discard some of what we say, ignore our warnings or our rules. They may choose to defy us, but they should never for one moment be unclear of both the rules and the values our families espouse.
Ninth grade is the year to start (or for some kids, continue) one thing that will carry your student through high school (the newspaper, a drama group, a sport or art activity) and to try other things along the way. Academics may seem a bit challenging, but for most freshman, there is still time to experiment with different extracurricular interests. The most important things a freshman learns are about herself. This is a year to discover interest you never knew you had or that an activity undertaken since childhood is better left behind.
Ninth grade is the time and chance for new friendships to grow. For most school districts, ninth grade provides an opportunity for teenagers to expand and/or completely change their social group. As multiple middle schools feed into one high school, it can be immensely liberating for 8th grade students who crave different peer groups. It can also shake up an existing social order, bringing in a breath of fresh air to stratified social status.
Freshman year is high school, but not all high schoolers are the same. The social order of high school means that kids largely stay in their grade groups. But in clubs, sports and other activities the grades mix fluidly. For Freshmen, and to a lesser extent sophomores, this is not always a great thing. Sure, older students have much to teach younger students about leadership and excelling at extracurricular activities, but it doesn’t end there. The world of a 14/15-year-old is very different from that of a 17/18-year-old. While some socializing is nice, end of season parties, cast parties, younger high school students are best encouraged to stay amongst their own.
In ninth grade, teachers will not mind a bit of input from parents if there are hiccups along the way. Emphasis on a bit. Students, by now, should be able to speak up for themselves, but sometimes teachers or counselors need a bit of background and helping a 14-year old. Again, a bit, is not out of line.
Many high school classes have prerequisites and freshman need to be aware of these and the order in which classes should be taken. In an ideal world, each student would have a counselor who guides them through the process of course selection and planning their four years. In the real world sometimes parents need to help. Freshman need to imagine where they would like to end up academically senior year and draw a path of classes that will get them there. Plans change but it helps to set goals from the start.
Finally, freshman year is a year of our kids finding their feet as a high schooler and us finding our feet as the parents of one. It seems almost inconceivable that we could have a child this old, as our own high school days seem not so far removed. Looking at your new high school child, who by now may be looking at you eye-to-eye, it is hard not to feel as though time has begun to accelerate and the road to the empty nest become clear.
1) It’s even more important than before to stay connected to other mothers (parents). My network of mothers gives me insight into the high school party scene, dating, driving concerns (a big one), drinking, drugs, and which parents monitored all these things at their houses and which do not!
2) Don’t talk to your child about college, but as a parent, start learning about the process, costs, and financing. It’s just too late to start understanding the process if you wait till junior year, especially from a cost standpoint. FAFSA forms are based on tax information from January of a student’s junior year. So learning about costs and how financial and merit aid is granted is something parents really need to START understanding in freshman year. And as you mentioned, the GPA colleges look at include grades from 9th to 11th grade – and each grade counts equally.
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The first website I got when googling “advice for high school freshmen” was a wikiHow page. On this wikiHow page were such precious nuggets of advice like “eat breakfast and lunch everyday,” “accept change,” and “be yourself.”
If you need to be told to eat your morning meals as you enter high school, then I want to know: what have you been doing for the first fourteen years of your life? And who doesn’t want to accept free change if someone’s handing it out? Use it to buy yourself breakfast.
As for the “be yourself,” well, who else are you going to be? You can’t just show up on the first day and expect that if you call yourself “Abraham Lincoln” people will compliment you on winning the Civil War and tell you to watch out for people named John. It doesn’t work that way, unless you’re some sort of alien-thing. Therefore, while that wikiHow page might be the best advice for incoming high school freshmen who are not human, my advice is best for humans.
Now that we’re all sure this advice is the best, it’s probably time for me (now an upperclassmen) to actually give you the advice. Whether you are an incoming freshman or not, I’m sure you’ll get something helpful out of this. Unless you are illiterate, of course, in which case, I’d like to congratulate you on making it this far.
One of the biggest concerns for people like girls and appearance-conscious guys* is the new set of fashion guidelines. No longer a dorky junior high student, you are probably worried that your suspenders, cufflinks, double-breasted vests, Spartan warrior costume (complete with fake spear), fedoras, shoulder-high socks, and brilliant cowlick comb over combinations won’t fit in.
*which, probability-wise, have a lesser chance of existing than aliens who know how to navigate wikiHow.
Well, here’s some advice: if you were made fun of wearing it in Junior High, you will probably get the same treatment in high school. Only it’ll be even worse, because you’ll be in high school for four years (instead of the 2-3 of middle school), where you will be stuck with a nickname like “suspenders dude,” “tall socks,” or “Frank.”
For girls, I have no idea (past the made-fun-of standard) what the fashion is. It is usually changing faster than you can look up the word “couture” in a dictionary, so if you’ve got clothes that won’t work right now, save them for a few minutes until they become hip.
For guys, as long as your fashion falls under all of the other advice in this guide, you can pull anything off with enough indifference and quiet confidence. You could wear spaghetti in your hair and marinara on your shirt, and as long as you walked around looking like you didn’t care (but knew) that you had an Italian meal splattered on yourself, you’ll be fine. If someone does approach you, and asks, “Dude, you know you’ve got some carbohydrates in your hair?” simply reply, “Yeah, so?”
This will be your first year at school, so you probably won’t have any idea how to get anywhere.
As far as finding your classes goes, know that each school was designed so like subject classes are close together (such as all the math classrooms being in the same hall). However, there is always one exception because the school ran out of classrooms. Your class will be that exception, so if you have an English class next, look in the English hall last. It’s a brilliant system that never fails.
Room numbers tell you only what floor your classroom will be on; otherwise, they are useless. There are no signs pointing down halls with things like “201-215 →” printed on them, and it’s not unusual to pass room 217 only to see that the next room is 247.35a.
Finding the bathrooms will be most important, but it shouldn’t be too hard. Simply follow the sounds of running water. There’s a low chance that you’ll end up at a nearby river and get swept to your death, but that doesn’t happen too often, especially if you’re wearing spaghetti.
There are many important things you need to remember about upperclassmen.
Boys are pretty easy to handle. First, they are stronger than you. Second, they want you to know that they are stronger than you. Thirdly, they are stronger than you. Basically, unless it is unavoidable, do not annoy nor bump into any upper-class boys.
Girls don’t necessarily have the strength advantage, but they are terrific at gossiping. Who hears that gossip? The boys. And remember, the upperclassmen are stronger than you.
Seriously, though, if you are really lost, or are directly approached, and cannot avoid talking to an upperclassmen, take precautions. Remain a safe distance away, and start every sentence you say with “I’d like to remind you that I’m mostly just bones and not very tasty sopleasedon’teatmepleaseplease.” They probably won’t hurt you.
(If you’ve done something to offend an upperclassman but they haven’t returned the favor yet, it might be a wise idea to keep that model spear you made when you were ‘supes chill’ in junior high school somewhere nearby, like in your pencil case).
Don’t complain to your teachers, nor the upperclassmen, how much work you have. The teachers will give you more work. The upperclassmen? They’ll just tell you things like, “You have a 20-page paper due at the end of the week? Dude, I’ve got a 4,556 page paper due next class and it was assigned by email at 3:00AM this morning,” and scare you about the next 4 years of your life.
You can complain to other freshmen, especially as a conversation starter, if it gets tiring to keep talking about how awesome the upperclassmen are (but, as an upperclassman, I can say that it probably won’t).
Basically, you’ll be facing four years of the most work you’ve ever had to do in your life. But don’t even think about that. No, what you need to do is procrastinate like there’s no tomorrow. Literally, if there is no tomorrow, then if you don’t do the work today, you’ll never have to do it!
Sadly, the global calendar hasn’t bought in to this, but teens everywhere are working on it. Or at least, it’s at the top of their to-do list for when they stop procrastinating.
Lockers are the one thing that will still intimidate you, even when you are a 400lb, 6′ 5″, senior with a voice deeper than a subwoofer. As such, they have been already covered on this blog: here’s how to break in your new locker, and here’s why lockers are not your friend (this one’s also illustrated, with 4 more pictures than normal).
As you finish this guide, and actually prepare to show up at high school, I want to leave you with one more piece of advice: read this blog. Or, at least, pretend to. It won’t make you rich, and it will keep you from getting your work done, but it should fulfill that gaping hole in your soul that your hormones create. Plus, we’ve covered and continue to cover just about everything you ever wanted to know about high school life (that’s PG-rated, of course. Yes, I know that means we only cover about 15% of high school life*).
Oh, you don’t have a gaping hole in your soul? Let me see that Roman spear real quick.
*Just joking, gullible freshmen. You don’t need to be that scared. The number’s closer to 35%.
Last year at this time, we took a break from the back-to-school craze and covered something equally as unpleasant (although it lasts for a much shorter amount of time): The Torturous Dental Examination. Want to know what really happens at the dentist? Well, you should, for the preservation of your mental health the next time you go.
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