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Online dating advice – view topic – how soon do you respond to a match message or email

How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Online Dating and Relationship Advice Board.

How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Sun Sep 21, 2019 11:07 pm

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Mon Sep 22, 2019 1:34 am

In the first few messages, I used reply as soon as possible. But then: one new match kept writing back to answer my one question within minutes. However she’d have three or four questions for me to answer. Felt suffocating.

So now. when I receive the initial message, I’ll usually respond late in the night of the same day. That way there is no expectation for anyone to expect further replies that night.

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Mon Sep 22, 2019 9:15 am

No, it’s polite to respond in a timely manner. Waiting a few days (to appear ”busy” or ”not desperate”) is just rude and shows a lack of interest.

It doesn’t ”look desperate” to respond when you have the time.

What ”looks desperate” is what Ev describes, with sudden rapid-fire need for a textathon.

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Mon Sep 22, 2019 1:56 pm

That’s what I meant — responding within a reasonable amount of hours/days, not the rapid-fire, back-and-forth, one-message-after-another stuff, which I do agree looks bad. Just wasn’t sure if responding within a day or two was considered “desperate” or not. I’m no good at all of those stupid rules and games and so forth. In business matters, it’s always been my understanding that you respond back within 24 hours or so, if possible, but maybe it is different for OLD.

I’ve gotten into open communication with a couple of matches who seemed very interested, but both have slowed down in their response times even though they are shown to have been online very recently. I’m chalking it up to they have more interesting/attractive matches that they’re pursuing and I am a back-burner match, so to speak. No big deal — just didn’t want to look desperate or pathetic on my end because I try to respond within 24 hours.

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Mon Sep 22, 2019 2:45 pm

Really, responding quickly looks bad?

I thought it was a good way of communicating early on. Sign of interest. It’s almost as good as having “chat” capability (which is no longer available on POF). I tend to keep responding fairly quickly as long as I remain interested/have time/she does the same.

I will have to give this a serious rethink if it implies desperation.

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Mon Sep 22, 2019 3:19 pm

I respond when I get it, which is fairly quick as these days, we all have email on our phones. And if someone takes 24-48 hours to respond, I take it as a sign of low interest and move on.

More importantly, these days, I’m 1-2, maybe 3 emails, maybe a phone call, then a meet. The days of endless emailing are long gone for me.

Most guys I correspond with seem to fall into 2 camps: the ones who want to spend tons of time on “getting to know you” volleys, and the ones who just want to meet and assess chemistry. I much prefer the latter.

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Mon Sep 22, 2019 9:50 pm

Generally, I respond as soon as I am reasonably able. I don’t usually respond during the work day, as I’m usually not checking the site at that time, but I have before. And I agree with Zisa–if someone took a day or 2 to respond, I’d think they probably weren’t very interested.

Also, I wouldn’t put too much thought into that whole business of it showing how often they are online. You really don’t know if that’s accurate or not.

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Tue Sep 23, 2019 9:57 am

Totally agree. Over-thinking the response-time thing or last online thing can be as accurate as reading tea leaves.

Yes, delayed responses may seem less interested, but most important. is what seems to start out as a natural flow of communication. That is generally more of a ”positive sign” than hours/days and a numbers games.

SingingGirl wrote: Generally, I respond as soon as I am reasonably able. I don’t usually respond during the work day, as I’m usually not checking the site at that time, but I have before. And I agree with Zisa–if someone took a day or 2 to respond, I’d think they probably weren’t very interested.

Also, I wouldn’t put too much thought into that whole business of it showing how often they are online. You really don’t know if that’s accurate or not.

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Tue Nov 18, 2019 11:58 pm

I had a (many actually) funny experience on Match: Wrote to a woman; she didn’t reply; at least two weeks passed; she replied “complaining” that I hadn’t sent a followup; so I “apologized” and asked why she expected “a followup” from me; she replied that she never replies to a man’s first message because that’s “desperate” and because that’s how she determines if a man is truly interested in her; turns out she was very interested in me and she became desperate; I replied that I thought she had a lot of growing up to do, and that she might do better in Mister Rogers’ neighborhood; she replied telling me where to go and what to do when I got there.

Why me?

Re: How soon do you respond to a Match message or email?

Mon Dec 01, 2019 11:09 am

Prompt response (within 24 hours) is best (in my opinion).

With email becoming less and less reliable (automatic spam filtering is making more and more messages disappear into cyber vapor), thus if you don’t respond quickly you leave the other person wondering if you received their email. From what I’ve seen messaging via a specific site is reliable and thus if you don’t reply promptly it’s assumed that you aren’t very interested.

Part of determining “chemistry” is to identify if you have compatible communication styles. So dive in, communicate as you are comfortable and see if the other person matches your communication rate / style. Personally I hate the one liner responses (seriously unless you are twenty something and glued to texting you should be able to compose at least an entire paragraph). But a one liner “I’m busy right now, I’ll respond later.” is just fine.

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