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Online dating questions to ask a man

Online dating questions to ask a man

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Photo: Ben Glass/Warner Bros

No secret here—dating can be a real pain. Nothing’s more nerve-wracking than a first date, especially with someone you hardly know. And while, sure, dates are meant to be a precursor to an actual relationship, first dates are also mini-interviews disguised as social outings, whether we like to admit it or not. That’s why figuring out what to talk about ahead of time with a list of good first date questions and conversation starters is so important.

A foolproof way to ensure that conversation will always be flowing is to simply ask your date things, although—given the fact that we never know how comfortable others are with casual conversation—that might be easier said than done. The trick to successfully vetting a prospect on a first date, while simultaneously keeping the energy light and fun, is knowing what questions to ask and how to ask them. For example, work, his or her family, hobbies, pop culture, and favorite music are all surefire bets. Four things never to ask her or him about on a first date? Politics, religion, exes, and salary. Too serious, too fast!

If you’re savvy, you’ll realize that certain questions–even the most basic ones—have the ability to tell a lot about a person. Here, we’ve divided your hypothetical first date into five phases and suggested a series of questions to ask your date during each.

These questions are key primers, the ones to ask after you’ve said hello, and settled in somewhere comfortable. Sure, they’re kind of snoozy, but they’ll set the tone for your date, and give you immediate things to talk about: “Oh, you went to Notre Dame? So did my cousin!”

1. What do you do, and how long have you been doing it?

2. Where are you originally from?

3. Where did you go to school?

4. What was your major?

5. Where exactly do you live in [insert your city or town here]?

Now that you’ve gotten the primers out of the way, it’s time to get a tad more specific. Questions over the first drink should be an equal mix of inquisitive and casual, and should allow you to start gauging his or her true personality. What are their likes and dislikes, what do you have in common, what does he or she do in their spare time?

6. What do you like to do when you’re not working?

7. Are you more of a TV person, or do you prefer movies?

8. Depending on the above answer, ask what they’re watching, or what they’ve seen lately.

9. What type of music are you into?

10. Have you traveled anywhere cool lately/do you have any trips coming up?

11. Have you read any good books recently?

If you and your date are really starting to hit it off, it’s time to start slipping in some slightly more personal questions, while making sure neither of you feel compelled to reveal too much. Some of these questions may seem silly at first, but they can be very telling. They’ll also further loosen the two of you up and can lead to some funny, entertaining conversation.

12. Are you a cat person or a dog person?

13. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

14. Do you have any nicknames?

15. If you won the lottery tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d buy?

16. Do you have any siblings?

17. If you could be any person for a day, who would it be?

18. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

19. Coffee or tea?

20. Where else would you consider living?

21. Are you as tired of KimYe as I am?

22. Do your parents still live in the house you grew up in?

23. What’s on your bucket list?

24. Are you a morning person or a night person?

25. Do you ever cook?

26. Do you like your job? What do you want to do next?

27. What’s your social life like? Do you have a big group of friends?

28. Do you consider yourself career-driven?

29. What are you most passionate about?

30. When’s your birthday?

Time to seal the deal—the last few minutes of a date are crucial to make sure a second date happen. If you think things went well, don’t be afraid to let him or her know. The final questions should easily transition you out of the date while subtly implying that you’d be down to meet up again.

31. Can I split the check with you? Okay, can I at least leave the tip?

32. How is work looking for you this week?

33. Did you like this place?

34. Do you have any fun plans for the rest of the weekend?

35. Do you have a busy week coming up?

36. How are you getting home?

This phase is tricky, and should only be reserved if you’re really feeling strong vibes. If you’re confident, ask if she or he would like to continue the date someplace else. Suggest a (PG-rated!) alternate ending to the night rather than simply going your separate ways after drinks or dinner.

37. There’s this cool bar I know around here, want to go grab a drink?

38. Want to get coffee/dessert after this somewhere else?

39. My friend’s actually having a party a few blocks away, do you wanna stop by?

40. What are we doing after this?

(I am reposting this from Allison Armstrong, a happily married woman and relationship coach whom I think is absolutely brilliant! The next words are hers. Please share your comments any time!)

Here are some of the “Greatest Hits” from our panels. While the questions may not seem special to you, the responses we have received from men have been Extraordinarily enlightening. If you are asking a question about women, take a deep breath and listen with curiosity. To start out, we recommend asking the questions about them and their lives outside of women. That way you can practice being safe to talk to you before it gets more personal to you.

What is great about being a man? What is your definition of a successful life? What qualities do you like about yourself? What qualities do you admire in other people? Who are your heroes? If you could have a conversation with one person, alive or historical, who would that be and why? What is God or spirituality to you? How important is that in your life? Where do you get your spiritual nourishment? What makes you feel free? What’s your idea of a perfect day? What makes it perfect? If you won the lottery, what would you do? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would that be? How do you define greatness? What is your definition of an “honorable man?” Who are your role models? How have your needs changed since your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc? What qualities do you think are distinctly male? What accomplishments are you most proud of? What do you want to be appreciated for? What have you done out of obligation that you really didn’t want to do? When do feel at peace? How do you relax? What do you do for fun? How much adventure do you need and where do you get it? How much “alone time” do you need and what does it provide for you? What do you like to do alone? What are you passionate about? What kind of vacation do you enjoy? When are you happiest? If you like watching sports, what does that do for you? If you like playing sports, what does that do for you? What are your favorite sports and why? What do you love about your life? If you could change something about your life with a magic wand, what would it be? What do you respect about other men? What does being with your male friends provide for you? What is it like to spend time with your male friends? How much time do you need to spend with your friends? How does having a wife or girlfriend along change your time with male friends? What do you think is unique about being ___________ (fill in Nationality) If you are a father, what is great and what is hard about that? If you are a father, what do you admire about your children? If you are a father, what have your children taught or contributed to you? In being a father, what have you learned? How has being a father changed you? If you have a daughter, what effect does she have on you? If you have a son, what do think is important to contribute to him? What do you want for your children’s lives? What do you admire about your father? What did you learn from your father? What did you learn from your parents? What effect do your parents have in your life today? What qualities did your parents inspire in you? If you are a brother, what does that mean to you? What do you like about your job or career? If you have changed your career, what was that like for you? Ideally, how would you like to spend the hour after work each day? What do you need when you first get home from work? What is the process you use in making a decision? What was one of the best days you ever had? What do you enjoy spending money on? What do you daydream about? What are your favorite books? What did you like about them? If you watch T. V., what kinds of programs do you like? What types of movies do you like? What are your favorite movies? If you liked “The Shawshank Redemption,” what about that movie makes it special? If you like video games, what are your favorites and why? Do you like tools? Who is your favorite Superhero and why? What does your car mean to you? What is your “dream car?” If you like trucks, how are they different from cars? What is your favorite holiday? What is special about it? What is your worst holiday? Why? What is love to you? What does being loved provide for you? What qualities do you think are distinctly female? What do you love about women? Do female friends provide something different than male friends? How does a woman’s smile affect you? How are you affected by a woman being happy? How are you affected by a woman being upset? What do you think about strong, successful women? What is different about older women? What would you change about how women communicate with you? What makes a woman approachable? What do you appreciate or admire in mothers? What makes a woman great to work with? If you are single (or when you were), what do you think about women asking you out? Do you like to be called by a woman you are seeing? If you could have one power (or super-power) that would make your relationships with women better, what would you choose and why? What kind of gifts do you enjoy giving? What do you think is romantic? What is the most romantic thing a woman has ever done for you? What is the most extraordinary thing a woman has ever done for you? What is it like for you to shop with a woman? for her? for you? Do you like shopping for a woman? What makes a woman sexy? What are your favorite female body parts? what is it about them? What is your favorite normal, everyday bed-time attire for a woman?

If you need help determining whether the guy you’re dating is the kind who can appreciate this kind of woman, you need this teaching.

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don’t miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

Dating is so mired in game-playing and pickup moves these days that it’s amazing anyone ever ends up finding lasting love. So we’re huge fans of any approach that manages to cut through all that B. S.

For example, many years ago — before we each found lasting love, against those game-playing odds — Lo conducted a sort of social-romantic experiment: When a friend introduced her to a guy who seemed very nice and whom she was instantly attracted to, she asked him if he’d like to be her boyfriend. Standard protocol would have had her flirt with him and wait for him to buy her a drink and then pretend to be just a little bit interested and he would do the same and so on until maybe they’d manage to “hang out” a few times and perhaps, eventually, stumble into a real relationship. Instead, she asked him if he’d like to cut through all the crap and immediately go steady, kind of like kids do in grade school, before they learn how to save face. He astonishingly agreed. The hand-holding in public was immediate, as was the soul bearing. The relationship lasted only a month or two, but it was healthy and full of honest communication, and when they parted ways, it was as friends.

Em accidentally conducted a similar experiment a decade ago: After Em had two great dates with a guy, the two of us (Em and Lo) had to fly to England for nearly a month, on a book tour for the U. K. edition of our first book, The Big Bang. Em and the guy weren’t in touch during that time — the relationship seemed too new to support long-distance communication — but when she returned, they had a third date. Except it didn’t feel like a third date. it felt more like they’d already been dating a month. So they naturally, mutually, without really discussing anything, just skipped all the are-we-really-into-each-other nonsense of those first unsteady weeks. She was able to leap-frog her bad habit of being attracted to guys who just weren’t into her, and he was able to leap-frog the male version of this. And, reader, she married him.

We found a third example of this kind of “speed mating” in the Modern Love column of the Times this past week: “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.” The gist of the piece: During a first date with a guy she’d kind of known for a while, the author had one of those flirty-theoretical conversations about whether it was possible to fall in love with anyone. (It’s the kind of conversation that’s possible to have on a first date, because you’re basically strangers, but then you can’t really talk about that stuff again until you’re in a very serious relationship.)

The author, Mandy Len Catron, recalled a scientific study she’d once read about, wherein a researcher put two complete strangers in a lab, had them ask each other a series of increasingly intimate questions — thirty-six, in all — and then had them stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes. One of the couples in the study ended up marrying (yes, the researcher scored an invite!).

Mandy and her date decided to replicate the experiment, except in a bar. They found the list of questions online and passed an iPhone back and forth between them (who said smart phones are killing romance?!), starting with questions like, “Would you like to be famous? In what way?” And “When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?” Then they progressed to more intimate questions, such as “Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common,” and, of course, “How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” Finally, they relocated to a nearby bridge and held eye contact for four excruciating minutes. Reader, they fell in love.

Of course, this experiment isn’t going to work with any random stranger you pluck out of your morning commute. But on a first date, where chemistry and at least a little mutual interest has already been established, we like it a lot more than all of that crappy, heartbreaking game-playing. Plus, it’s a great way to weed out selfish, one-track-minded pickup artists before you get in too deep. As the author says:

But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action. It assumes that what matters to my partner matters to me because we have at least three things in common, because we have close relationships with our mothers, and because he let me look at him. . The study [gave] us a way into a relationship that feels deliberate.

If you want to try it yourself, here are all 36 of Dr. Arthur Aron’s questions. You should take it in turns, each answering all 36 questions.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling. “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share. “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Finally, Don’t forget to stare into each other’s eyes for four full, SILENT minutes — no cheating! — to seal the deal. (Set a timer on your iPhone, as the author of the piece did.) After that, feel free to seal the deal with a kiss.

Going on a first date is both exciting and scary. If you are friends with the person then thoughts of what this could do to your friendship run through your mind. If you are meeting this person for the first time, there are a thousand thoughts running through your mind of what are they like, will they like me, will I like them. Knowing how to approach that first date will help you to be more relaxed and enjoy your date. There are a few questions you may want to ask before taking that first step. Read through these great stories on advice on how to approach your first date.

Keep Your Date Interested: Here are a few questions to ask on your first date to keep things moving along and interesting.
Top Ten: These are the top ten questions to ask your date. When going on a first date you can be nervous and a little worried. Relax and keep the conversation going with these great questions.
20 Questions: Take a look at this list of questions you can ask a date. You may like some of them and some you may think are a little out there. Use your judgment and these ideas on how to keep your conversation moving.
Top 10 Dating Questions: One blogger shares the top ten first date questions. This blogger thinks these are on the must ask list.
Get Her Talking: Try using these questions to get your first date moving. Open her mind up to be willing to talk to you and see how you both feel.
10 Questions to Ask: When going on a first date, sometimes the conversation can stall. Keep things lively and going with these questions.
Questions to Ask: Take these ideas with you on your first date. They can help you to spark conversation and find out more about your date.
80 Fun Questions: Here are some great questions to ask your friends or your dates. Use these to start up some great and interesting conversations.
What to Ask a Girl: Take a look at these questions to ask a girl on your first date. Be prepared by stopping by this site before going out on your date.
10 Date Questions Every Blogger Should Know: If you are a blogger you must stop here. This blogger shares the must know first date questions.
Speed Dating: Wonder what you will say in just a few minutes? Take a look at this list of first date questions for the speed dater.
First Date Tips: Going on a first date can be very intimidating. Use these first questions to break the ice.
To Ask or Not to Ask: Find out the best questions to ask on your first date and some you may want to avoid.
Great Questions: Discover what you should talk about on your first date. See if talking about your family or most embarrassing moments are good ideas.
8 Great Questions: Uncover the eight great questions you should ask on your first date. No matter if you are nervous or not these are great ice breakers.
Top 6 Questions: Here are the top 6 you should ask your girl on your first date.
Break the Ice: If you have trouble getting conversation started with people you don’t know then here are a few questions. Break the ice on your first date and you will both feel more comfortable.
7 Can’t Miss: Find out what the seven can’t miss questions of your first date should be. These are the few you must ask.
Dating Tips: Get a few tips before taking that first date. See what questions you should ask and where would be a great first date.
Date Questions: Have you ever been here? What do you like to read? There are more questions here to ask your date whenever you need to break the ice.
10 Questions: Many people find it hard to hold a conversation with someone you only just met. Try these great questions to get the ball rolling and you won’t realize how much time has passed.
Questions NOT to Ask: There is such a thing as too much information on a first date. Be wary of questions like these when you are meeting for the first time.
Topics to Stay on: Discover a few topic suggestions that are considered safe ground on a first date. Some things you should steer clear of when dating so take a look here.
Dating Questions: When you are dating there are a lot of things that go through your mind. That first date can be very intimidating and stressful. Break the ice with these few questions to get you started.
Conversation Starters: Do not let your conversation go to a stand still. Try these starters if you are nervous or are unsure what to say. They can get the talking back up and make you more comfortable.
Standard Questions: Stay away from the job interview type questions. Try to find out what your date is about without making them feel like they are up for an interview.
Top 10 Questions You Should Never Ask: Although you want to make conversation and find out about your date, there are some questions you should stay away from. Avoid asking these questions on your next first date.
Great First Dates: Take a look here as a few guys give their ideas on great first date questions and places to go. Get a few tips on first dates before you go on your next one.
20 First Questions: There are many of us that are not sure what topics to stay on or steer clear of on a first date. Use these great questions to keep it in a safe middle ground when you are first meeting someone.
Getting to the Second Date: Here are a few suggestions and tips on how to get to that second date. Learn things that you can talk about without making either of you uncomfortable.
Dating Questions to Ask: If you find yourself at a stale point in conversation, try asking a few of these questions. Some people have a hard time talking with someone they just met. These are great ice breakers and conversation starters.
Clever Conversations: Get tips on how to keep the conversation moving along and how to have a great time on your first date. First impressions are very important.
8 Great Questions: Many people are meeting through the internet now. Use these questions to get you started talking when the computer is not there.
Starters and Questions: When you are at a loss for what to say try some of these great starters or questions. Many people have a harder time talking when they are newly dating. These can get you both talking and having a lot of laughs.
First Date Questions: Everyone is thinking about that critical first date. Sometimes you are not sure what to talk about when meeting this person. Here are a few topics to get you stated off and have a great first date.
The Right Questions: Find out what the right questions to ask on your first date are. Learn which topics to steer clear of when meeting this person also.
First Date Don’ts: Avoid talking about these topics on your first date. See what College guys have to say about your first date and what you should or should not talk about.
First Questions Not to Ask After a First Date: Sometimes guys don’t call back after the first date. These are a few questions you should avoid asking right after your first date. The relationship is new and these can turn someone off really quick.
Questions to Ask a Guy: When you are on a first date things can be kind of awkward. Try asking your guy these questions to get things smoothed out and more comfortable.
First Few Dates: Take a look at these conversations starters and questions for the first few dates. This is a critical time when many people decide they want to try to have a relationship or if they want to go the other way.
5 Things Not to Ask: Some topics are too personal for a first date. Try avoiding these topics when you are out on that date and see when it may be better to bring them up.
Avoiding the Dead Zone: Here are a few tips to avoid that conversation dead zone most people fall into in the first date. Get a few questions to ask as well as conversation starters.
What to Talk About: If you are meeting a person for the first time it can be awkward when it comes to making conversation. Get a few tips here on what you can talk about and what topics you may want to avoid.
Ice Breaker Questions: Drop by here to see a few ice breaker questions you can ask on your first date. Don’t fall into the dead zone with no conversation. Try these to keep it moving freely.
First Date Ice Breakers – Jokes: If you are one who likes to laugh and have a good time, here are a few ice breakers for you. Keep these in mind for you next first date.

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