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Rules for dating my daughter shirt buy

Rules for dating my daughter shirt buy

I have a 14 yo daughter in 9th grade. I am just wondering what other moms who have a teenage daughter allow them to do with friends. Do you let them roam the mall without an adult? Do you let them walk around the neighborhood with friends? Do you allow boys over? My daughter is just getting to the stage of asking me to do things without adult supervision and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be a control freak and have her rebel later but I also don’t know if she is mature enough to be unsupervised. I think the person she is doing it with also makes me uneasy because I get a bad vibe from her like she is sneaky. Let me know what you think is reasonable for a 14 year old girl.

I have received some wonderful advice, please keep it coming. In answer to some questions, no I honestly don’t trust my daughter. She has made some poor decisions (nothing serious, just dumb). She is frequently not honest and will say what she needs to say to get her way or be allowed to do something even if it isn’t honest. I am working on how to change this but am at a loss. I have checked out Parenting Teens with Love and Logic and have made some other good moves toward positive change. She really is a good kid and hasn’t done anything major. It is just the immaturity and dishonesty that scare me. I know as she gets older she will be in situations where she needs to be able to make a good choice and I am not confident that she will.

Sincerely,
Former full time Mall Stalker,
Neighborhood Explorer
And had boys over or went to see them all the time.

P. S. It’s called being a teenager, too old for Barbies and too young to drive.

If you’re uncomfortable then go with your gut. I have a 15 year old daughter and we were pretty strict. She’s so glad too. We wouldn’t let her roam the mall alone unless her friend’s mom was at the mall too (or me!) No boys!! She did group things with the youth group at church but we know the leaders well. Never make assumptions. And don’t feel guilty for going with your gut! Your daughter will thank you. eventually! =)

Mom to mom. all we have sometimes is our instincts so always trust them, if a kid gives you a bad vibe, go with your gut. A little over a week ago I had the worst wake up call a mom could get, my “good” son who is 15 and got good grades and was academically involved in Tons of school activities was smoking pot, and I did not have any idea. my wake up call was a phone call from a police officer.

Children should earn trust, but they are still children. A good mom knows where her child is and who they are with and also checks up on their child to make sure they are where they say they are. I dropped the ball, because I felt like he was trustworthy and look what happened. I do not want another mom to have to go through this.

Kids are subject to a lot of peer pressure. I would say letting her walk around the mall but with you also at the mall and having her check in from time to time is a good idea. Or letting her have friends over so that you can supervise them. Dropping them off to see a movie.

Kids want rules. kids want parents to be involved and talk to them.

Well when I was that age, the answers were:
1) no
2) no
3) no

It was a small town. EVERY parent, knew the parents of the other kids. AND my Dad was friends with all the cops. Still, things happens. Unsafe things. No matter how street smart or ‘good’ a kid is.
And no, I did not turn into a rebellious-monster-teenager.
Just because you have ‘rules’ it does not necessarily mean, that your Teen will turn into a rebel. It is not, that linear.

When I was that age, this is what kids did:

1) hang out at friends homes
2) go to the Mall, but with a few friends, and the Mom of one of them, always in the Mall too. And pick up/drop off, at a certain place, with the designated Mom, there too.
3) Kids. smoking cigarettes in the bathroom. Yes, at this age.
4) Kids. smoking pot. Yes at this age.
5) Kids. making out and touching each other everywhere, in the back of school or in the back, somewhere.
6) going the movies with some friends, and pizza after. Mom or Dad, dropping off or picking-up RIGHT after, per a certain time. So.. that the kids don’t have extra time to get bored and ‘roam’ around aimlessly.

So, these things happen.
Kids, are not always so naive. As we may think they are.
But naive or not, that does not make them a goody-kid or a bad-kid.
Sometimes, we just don’t know. how much they know. Too.

GO by your Gut-Instinct.
AND watch her friends.

My parents, ALWAYS also made our home, the ‘hang-out’ home and we could invite our friends over ANYTIME. Many of my friends, were even more open with my parents than they were with their own parents. asking their advice etc. And that way, my parents got to know my friends, monitor what is going on and the vibes.

Our 13 year old is almost 14 – she knows the rules – we dont do the roam around the mall or go to friends house that we dont know the parents.
We are luck she is a cheerleader for school and a local gym and to be honest our daughter would rather be we with us than out with the girls. and after hearing some of the kids talk at the football game ( not cheer leaders just kids from school I am glad) stick to your rules.
Our daughter came home the other day and told me she is not alone some of the other girls she knows has the same rules. I think she kinda likes the rules we are a good excuess to do things she knows will put her in a bad place. just my two cents

It’s tough to let them go and I agree you have to, but like the other moms said, you have to trust your instincts, do it in small increments and in situations that are likely to end well to build their confidence and yours. Once thing that helps mitigate that no” answer is to say that it isn’t forever, it is until you gain more skills in independence. I need to know you are safe.

Having said that, no, somewhat no, and no are the answers for my daughters on the above questions.

Physiologically, kids’ brains aren’t fully developed until they are 24. No, I’m not saying keep her home until then, but I am saying that they don’t have the advantage of fully developed thinking at 14. They look, walk and talk grown up but they aren’t. Give them their freedoms in small steps, with clear expectations. Let them have a series of successes. You will both feel better.

I would let my daughter go to the mall and wander with her twin and friends (never alone) if she had some martial arts training. but even then, I’d be in the mall somewhere myself. Even with that, what a waste of time. Kids need to be engaged in productive activities. My 14 y. o. twins run a nice business pet sitting, sew, help me cook and care for and train their own animals. They have friends and go to each other’s houses but don’t hang out at the mall. Frankly they think it is a waste of time and money.

Walking around the neighborhood. we live in the exurbs where properties are larger 2-8 acres. Mine are twins and only go together, with phones and they know every house on their route. We have allowed them to ride horses to a friend’s house about a mile away on our country roads. They tell us exactly what streets they are taking. They call us when they leave the barn, when they arrive and when they are leaving their friend’s house to come home. They are excellent riders and again know most of the neighbors between our house and theirs. They carry an airhorn, can ride fast and are long distance runners. While I hated letting them do it, and they were the last of their friends to get this privilege, they have been doing it for about 4 months now successfully.

Just this week I was heartbroken watching Dateline about this beautiful 19 y. o college girl being abducted in broad daylight right off the sidewalk only to be found dead in the woods 4 years later. She certainly had more sense and brain development than a 14 y. o.

Boys? Ha! No boys until I was 16 and my kids know, no boys for them until they are 16. Period. Here again, it is a brain development issue and also, dating is a prelude to marriage. You don’t think so? Would you ever marry someone you haven’t dated? Probably not, at least in this country. They need to know that they can date, but at an appropriate time. If a co-ed group of kids wanted to go to the movies or to an activity supervised, sure. That is age appropriate.

Trust your instincts, do it in small steps so you both get comfortable and guide her to productive activities and teach her life skills – cooking, cleaning, gardening. not all the time, but with a portion of the time. Do it together. You would be surprised at how much kids at this age like to do adult things together. Good luck.

APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
As a father, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my niece, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my niece: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her adam’s apple. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.

My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I’d be embarrassed too– there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I’d have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn’t remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate –ink washes off–and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative.
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
By a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and
Current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________ _______________ _ DATE OF BIRTH _______________ _
2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT __________ I. Q _______
3. STUDENT ID # _____________ PARENTS VISA CARD # _______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________ _______________ _______________ ___________
5. HOME ADDRESS _______________ __ CITY/STATE ___________ POST CODE # __________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?________ _______________ _______
If No, EXPLAIN _______________ _______________ _______________ _________
7. Number of years your parents have been married _______________ _______________ __
8. Do you own a duel seat bike? ______ A 2stroke which can hold a pavillion? ______ A tent? _________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _______________ ______
(If “yes” to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?___________ _______________ ____
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ ___________
10. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ ___________
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ ___________
11. In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you? _______________ _______
_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ ___________
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend _______________ _______
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/ minister/ football coach? ____
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That
Means I won’t tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
A) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is _______________ ___
B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _______________ _________
C) A woman’s place is in the _______________ _______________ _______________ __
D) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _______________ ______
E) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is _______________ ________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue. Leave premises keeping your
Head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________ _______________ ______
16. How many females have you taken on a date since you were 2? _________
IF ANY: Reasons why you are not still with this female?
_______________ _______________ _____
NOTE: So why are you treating my daughter like second best?
_______________ _______________ _____
17. Do you have any condoms?
_______________ _______________ _____
NOTE: If answered Yes to question 17(If you have condoms this generally means you want to have sexual relations with my daughter) please drop the application where you are standing and run as quickly as you can. Because my record speed of getting my shotgun out of the cupboard is 1min 23seconds
18. Do you have an understanding of what a Shotgun with red tape halfway up the barrel and a tub of margarine is?
_______________ _______________ _____

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,
AND RED HOT POKERS.
_______________ _______________ __________
Signature( That means sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow ten to twenty years for
Processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do
Not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your
Application is approved, automatic disqualificatio n will result.
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by
Two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might
Want to watch your back).
Do you still want to date my daughter?:
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house.

It happened on a Thursday night. A guy I’d been seeing had come over and we’d just finished watching a movie.

Aside from his repeated requests (and my repeated denials) that we “find somewhere to lie down,” the evening had gone smoothly. Then we started making out and he fell asleep: just leaned his head back and closed his eyes, mid-kiss. We decided then that it was time for him to go home, and I was left to wonder — did he keep asking to lie down because he needed a nap?

I had been feeling a little bored with my love life lately, but watching my date fall asleep was my wake-up call: Something had to change.

That’s when I discovered The Rules in a friend’s coffee table. (“My mom gave it to me — she’s ESL,” offered my friend, by way of explanation.)

The Rules is a notorious dating advice book published 20 years ago, in 1995. It lists 35 rules that women who want “marriage, in the shortest time possible” are supposed to follow. The prose is both basic and whimsical, like advice from a well-meaning but slightly unhinged 90-year-old great aunt, offering one of those “pep talks” that actually make you feel worse, rather than better. (“Well you’re no Angelina Jolie, dear, but with the right wardrobe, a more feminine haircut, about 10 fewer pounds, and some minor plastic surgery, there’s no reason you couldn’t convince a man to ask you out.”) There is a kind of old-world charm to it, really.

There are many good reasons to ignore The Rules, including the fact that getting married as quickly as possible falls well below “figure out why my thumb nail is bumpy” on my list of priorities. But there is one compelling reason to give them a try: morbid curiosity. I couldn’t resist.

For the past three months, I have been following The Rules, and nobody has fallen asleep yet.

Rule #1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”

I first tried The Rules at a local pub, where I was attending an event with friends. It wasn’t quite a “singles dance” (the book is pretty keen on those), but it was as close to one as I will get, being under 50 years old.

I have been to pubs before, but this night was different, because I was attempting to be “a creature unlike any other,” which involves brushing the hair out of one’s face, “in a slow, sweeping motion,” smiling all the time while avoiding eye contact, and “walking briskly” around the room without ever stopping.

Sensually sweeping the hair out of my eyes, I entered the pub and began to walk briskly. At once, I realized how challenging it is to be in constant motion without actually looking at anyone. I nearly collided with several men while smiling vacantly at the wall behind them. Surprisingly, nobody rushed to the coat check girl to ask for a pen to grab my number, as promised.

I sat down at a table, where I plastered a smile on my face and stared ahead like an Oscar nominee on award night, waiting for a guy to succumb to my mysterious allure. Unfortunately, without looking directly at anyone, it was hard to tell if a man was actually talking to me, or to someone nearby.

I am not sure if I spoke with a man that evening or not.

“But First, the Product — You!”

As I continued my research, I realized I’d missed an important first step: becoming a product. The chapter titled, “But First, the Product — You!” provides helpful hints that mostly seem to involve not eating sundaes, not dressing like a man, and having long hair, in addition to (obviously) an alternating regular schedule of manicures, pedicures, and facials, as well as plastic surgery “if necessary.”

Of course, it also involves getting skinnier. The authors quaintly exhort women to “Join a gym, buy an exercise video, or go jogging in a nearby park.” Luckily, a friend was able to get me a free week-long pass to a local gym.

At the gym, a fit, attractive man named Pablo gave me a half hour-long tour and then ushered me into his office, where he expressed concern about my bad knee (we were old friends now), and insisted I have a personal training session with a woman named Mary, who informed me that I have weak inner thighs.

This is not a condition that is covered in The Rules, but I could hear the authors’ voices in my head: “Inner thighs should be strong and mysterious!” So I integrated clam shells and squats into my workout schedule. (Because being a “Rules Girl” means having a workout schedule.)

Rule #9: How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3

I had internalized the rules, and I was clam-shelling the crap out of my inner thighs. It was time to test The Rules on a date.

My potential doting husband and I had been trying to plan the date for nearly a month, because I was following rule number five (“Don’t call him and rarely return his calls”) and rule number seven (“Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday”). Once, we had planned so far in advance that we both forgot we even had a date.

For all the freakishly precise instructions about how to get a date, The Rules are practically mum on what to do during the date itself. The authors beg us not to mention the “M Word” on the first date, or to go about naming our future children just yet, but beyond that, we’re told to “relax” and “don’t try too hard.” That’s it, apart from smiling, which should be the only expression your face is now capable of producing.

I therefore had one goal for the date: Let him carry the conversation without being “controlling or wifey.” I have always thought of first dates as a team effort, with everyone doing their best to make sure the conversation doesn’t run aground on some awkward, silent sandbar. Was my desire to contribute to interesting conversation to blame for not having a husband who wants nothing more than to spend his time antiquing together?

I met my date in front of my apartment, because I don’t have a lobby (lobbies are mentioned frequently and wistfully in The Rules). We exchanged a greeting and I waited for him to begin the conversation. He didn’t. I was on a date with Quiet Guy — someone The Rules brushes off as a quasi-mythical figure. The thinking seems to go, if he likes you, he will develop an entirely different personality.

We walked to the restaurant, which worked out well because I at least had something to do while I tried really really hard not to initiate any sort of conversation. This feat was much harder as we stared silently at each other over dinner between short bouts of small talk.

Finally, I couldn’t take it any more. “You know, all this staring reminds me of an article I read recently where a couple asks each other 36 questions, then stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes, and they fall in love,” I blurted, which was almost as bad as using the “M word.” “Oh, so if we keep staring at each other we’ll fall. . . .” he trailed off. More silence followed, but with less eye contact.

We finished dinner and he walked me to my door, where we stood quietly for a few moments before he remarked, “Well, I’m going to head out.” And left.

What Does It All Mean?

I decided to follow The Rules because I thought it would be funny, and I was curious about how people would respond to me. I didn’t expect it to affect me, personally.

The book seems to advocate, in its own twisted way, for women to develop greater self-respect. For all the ridiculous advice, the message seems to be, “Don’t throw yourself at guys who aren’t interested and who treat you badly.”

The problem is, the more I try to follow The Rules, the less self-respect I have. The more I have focused on how I act around men; how I speak, and look, and every gesture I make, the more self-conscious and anxiety-prone I have become. Dating has stopped being a mutual decision-making process about whether we want to get to know each other better. It’s become about me trying to be attractive to him, and either succeeding or failing.

Self-worth is a steep price to pay for “love.”

After our date, Quiet Guy texted me, saying he’d really enjoyed it and would like to do it again. I said, “Sure.” But next time, I’ll be doing the talking.

I have a 14 yo daughter in 9th grade. I am just wondering what other moms who have a teenage daughter allow them to do with friends. Do you let them roam the mall without an adult? Do you let them walk around the neighborhood with friends? Do you allow boys over? My daughter is just getting to the stage of asking me to do things without adult supervision and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be a control freak and have her rebel later but I also don’t know if she is mature enough to be unsupervised. I think the person she is doing it with also makes me uneasy because I get a bad vibe from her like she is sneaky. Let me know what you think is reasonable for a 14 year old girl.

I have received some wonderful advice, please keep it coming. In answer to some questions, no I honestly don’t trust my daughter. She has made some poor decisions (nothing serious, just dumb). She is frequently not honest and will say what she needs to say to get her way or be allowed to do something even if it isn’t honest. I am working on how to change this but am at a loss. I have checked out Parenting Teens with Love and Logic and have made some other good moves toward positive change. She really is a good kid and hasn’t done anything major. It is just the immaturity and dishonesty that scare me. I know as she gets older she will be in situations where she needs to be able to make a good choice and I am not confident that she will.

Sincerely,
Former full time Mall Stalker,
Neighborhood Explorer
And had boys over or went to see them all the time.

P. S. It’s called being a teenager, too old for Barbies and too young to drive.

If you’re uncomfortable then go with your gut. I have a 15 year old daughter and we were pretty strict. She’s so glad too. We wouldn’t let her roam the mall alone unless her friend’s mom was at the mall too (or me!) No boys!! She did group things with the youth group at church but we know the leaders well. Never make assumptions. And don’t feel guilty for going with your gut! Your daughter will thank you. eventually! =)

Mom to mom. all we have sometimes is our instincts so always trust them, if a kid gives you a bad vibe, go with your gut. A little over a week ago I had the worst wake up call a mom could get, my “good” son who is 15 and got good grades and was academically involved in Tons of school activities was smoking pot, and I did not have any idea. my wake up call was a phone call from a police officer.

Children should earn trust, but they are still children. A good mom knows where her child is and who they are with and also checks up on their child to make sure they are where they say they are. I dropped the ball, because I felt like he was trustworthy and look what happened. I do not want another mom to have to go through this.

Kids are subject to a lot of peer pressure. I would say letting her walk around the mall but with you also at the mall and having her check in from time to time is a good idea. Or letting her have friends over so that you can supervise them. Dropping them off to see a movie.

Kids want rules. kids want parents to be involved and talk to them.

Well when I was that age, the answers were:
1) no
2) no
3) no

It was a small town. EVERY parent, knew the parents of the other kids. AND my Dad was friends with all the cops. Still, things happens. Unsafe things. No matter how street smart or ‘good’ a kid is.
And no, I did not turn into a rebellious-monster-teenager.
Just because you have ‘rules’ it does not necessarily mean, that your Teen will turn into a rebel. It is not, that linear.

When I was that age, this is what kids did:

1) hang out at friends homes
2) go to the Mall, but with a few friends, and the Mom of one of them, always in the Mall too. And pick up/drop off, at a certain place, with the designated Mom, there too.
3) Kids. smoking cigarettes in the bathroom. Yes, at this age.
4) Kids. smoking pot. Yes at this age.
5) Kids. making out and touching each other everywhere, in the back of school or in the back, somewhere.
6) going the movies with some friends, and pizza after. Mom or Dad, dropping off or picking-up RIGHT after, per a certain time. So.. that the kids don’t have extra time to get bored and ‘roam’ around aimlessly.

So, these things happen.
Kids, are not always so naive. As we may think they are.
But naive or not, that does not make them a goody-kid or a bad-kid.
Sometimes, we just don’t know. how much they know. Too.

GO by your Gut-Instinct.
AND watch her friends.

My parents, ALWAYS also made our home, the ‘hang-out’ home and we could invite our friends over ANYTIME. Many of my friends, were even more open with my parents than they were with their own parents. asking their advice etc. And that way, my parents got to know my friends, monitor what is going on and the vibes.

Our 13 year old is almost 14 – she knows the rules – we dont do the roam around the mall or go to friends house that we dont know the parents.
We are luck she is a cheerleader for school and a local gym and to be honest our daughter would rather be we with us than out with the girls. and after hearing some of the kids talk at the football game ( not cheer leaders just kids from school I am glad) stick to your rules.
Our daughter came home the other day and told me she is not alone some of the other girls she knows has the same rules. I think she kinda likes the rules we are a good excuess to do things she knows will put her in a bad place. just my two cents

It’s tough to let them go and I agree you have to, but like the other moms said, you have to trust your instincts, do it in small increments and in situations that are likely to end well to build their confidence and yours. Once thing that helps mitigate that no” answer is to say that it isn’t forever, it is until you gain more skills in independence. I need to know you are safe.

Having said that, no, somewhat no, and no are the answers for my daughters on the above questions.

Physiologically, kids’ brains aren’t fully developed until they are 24. No, I’m not saying keep her home until then, but I am saying that they don’t have the advantage of fully developed thinking at 14. They look, walk and talk grown up but they aren’t. Give them their freedoms in small steps, with clear expectations. Let them have a series of successes. You will both feel better.

I would let my daughter go to the mall and wander with her twin and friends (never alone) if she had some martial arts training. but even then, I’d be in the mall somewhere myself. Even with that, what a waste of time. Kids need to be engaged in productive activities. My 14 y. o. twins run a nice business pet sitting, sew, help me cook and care for and train their own animals. They have friends and go to each other’s houses but don’t hang out at the mall. Frankly they think it is a waste of time and money.

Walking around the neighborhood. we live in the exurbs where properties are larger 2-8 acres. Mine are twins and only go together, with phones and they know every house on their route. We have allowed them to ride horses to a friend’s house about a mile away on our country roads. They tell us exactly what streets they are taking. They call us when they leave the barn, when they arrive and when they are leaving their friend’s house to come home. They are excellent riders and again know most of the neighbors between our house and theirs. They carry an airhorn, can ride fast and are long distance runners. While I hated letting them do it, and they were the last of their friends to get this privilege, they have been doing it for about 4 months now successfully.

Just this week I was heartbroken watching Dateline about this beautiful 19 y. o college girl being abducted in broad daylight right off the sidewalk only to be found dead in the woods 4 years later. She certainly had more sense and brain development than a 14 y. o.

Boys? Ha! No boys until I was 16 and my kids know, no boys for them until they are 16. Period. Here again, it is a brain development issue and also, dating is a prelude to marriage. You don’t think so? Would you ever marry someone you haven’t dated? Probably not, at least in this country. They need to know that they can date, but at an appropriate time. If a co-ed group of kids wanted to go to the movies or to an activity supervised, sure. That is age appropriate.

Trust your instincts, do it in small steps so you both get comfortable and guide her to productive activities and teach her life skills – cooking, cleaning, gardening. not all the time, but with a portion of the time. Do it together. You would be surprised at how much kids at this age like to do adult things together. Good luck.

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