Home » Premium Dating » What to say when asking a girl out online dating

What to say when asking a girl out online dating

You’ve started out on the right foot. Your magnetic profile, strong photos, and killer ice breaker messages have you exchanging messages with several beautiful women. The conversations are going great, and you’re pretty sure they’re into you.

It’s time to ask them out. But if you don’t know how to ask a girl out online, don’t be surprised when 2 out of 3 women suddenly disappear forever.

Here at ViDA, we know a thing or two about the “best practices” for turning an online match into real-life action. The experiments we’ve done can instantly double your date acceptance rate. So do yourself a favor and don’t ask another girl out online before reading this crucial advice…

Here are some of our best tips on how to make sure she says “yes”:

She’s not on OkCupid to find a new pen pal – if you wait too long to suggest a date, she’ll lose interest and move on. But if you come on too strong, you’ll scare her off.

Once you understand when to ask her out, you’ll be in the driver’s seat. Our team of online dating experts analyzed thousands of online dating conversations that resulted in dates for our male clients. After crunching the data, we learned the ideal time to ask for the date is after she’s sent you 2 or 3 messages.

So a successful messaging sequence looks like this:

    You break the ice with a clever copy & paste message.
    She responds.
    You respond to her message, ending with a personalized question inspired by something she said in her response or profile text.
    She responds again.
    You respond to what she said and then ask her out for coffee or drinks.

Are there exceptions to this? Of course.

If you’re floating the majority of the conversation and her answers seem short, cautious or hesitant, you’ll want to keep the exchange going a little longer.

For her to say yes to coffee or cocktails, she needs to feel comfortable meeting you in person. Researchers have invested thousands of hours into figuring out how and why some people just seem to “click.”

One theory is the Rule of Connectivity, which states: “The more we feel connected to, part of, liked by, or attracted to someone, the more persuasive they become.”

So basically, people simply feel more comfortable with other people who remind them of themselves. What’s similar is familiar and we take comfort in that.

You can make a woman feel comfortable with you by mimicking the style in which she communicates.

We call this “mirroring,” and it’s easier than you think.

    Copy the way she opens her message when you respond. If she writes, “Hey, John”, greet her with “Hey, Linda”.
    Mirror her message length. If she sends three sentences, you send about three sentences. If she only replies with a few words, keep your next message pretty concise as well.
    If she’s using netspeak (LOL) and smileys, you probably should too. (Just don’t go overboard with it; 1-2 per message max.)

The trick is to pay attention to what, how much, and in what tone she’s writing.

If you’re lucky, a girl will send you a message that practically screams, “I’m into you.” In this situation, you can ask for the date more quickly.

But if you’re the type of the guy who needs a slap with a 2×4 to realize this hot girl Really digs you, fear not – we’re about to break down the signs:

    She sends you long(ish) messages. If you sent her a four-sentence message and she replies with something the same length or longer, she’s usually pretty interested and open to meeting.
    She’s giving you. ’s and ;)’s. Emojis and lols are the online equivalent of laughter and enthusiasm, and you know what it means when a girl laughs at your jokes. She either wants to please you or thinks you’re funny.
    She’s asking you questions. Curiosity is a good sign – she wants to know more about you.

Confidence is an attractive personality trait, and confident men ask women out.

Insecurity, on the other hand, isn’t sexy at all. Saying something like, “I know you probably don’t want to go out with a guy like me, but in case you do, I figured I would ask. . . blah blah blah” is a guaranteed way to send her running for the hills.

Suggesting a meet-up is far different than suggesting a date.

Yes, we all know it’s practically the same thing, but the word “date” sounds a lot scarier. You haven’t even met yet – how can you really even be going on a date? Plus, it’s a high-investment, emotionally charged word. “Meeting up” is more laid-back, casual, and safe.

Always propose a low-investment activity like meeting at a coffee shop or bar. This puts less pressure on her. If things don’t go well, she’s only invested 30 minutes of her time. If you suggest dinner or a trip to the art museum, she’ll be thinking, “If I don’t like this guy, I’ll be stuck with him for hours!”

We tracked different variables related to hundreds of ‘ask for the date’ messages, and the data showed us that the acceptance rate doubles when you give her an option for the activity.

For example, we usually suggest meeting up for “coffee or drinks.” If you don’t drink alcohol and she’s not a girl in her 20s who probably thinks talking on the phone is weird, you could make the options “talking over the phone or meeting up for coffee.”

Whatever you do, never, ever only suggest drinks. When we did that, the meetup acceptance rate got cut in half.

You’ve heard the phrase “it’s not what you say but how you say it.” This definitely rings true when asking a woman out. Say something you KNOW she’ll agree with, because small yeses help lead up to the bigger yes.

    “Let’s get together for coffee or drinks sometime soon. Call me old-fashioned, but talking in person just seems like a MUCH better way to get to know someone than messaging online…what do you think?”
    “You seem cool, but I’ve found it’s difficult to predict chemistry until you meet someone in person. What are your plans for the weekend?”

What woman wouldn’t agree that talking in person is a better way to get to know someone than exchanging messages online? Or that it’s easier to predict chemistry in person than online?

Whatever you do, don’t just ask:

“Want to go on a Date sometime?”

Once she agrees to meet you, set a time and date. Don’t leave it completely open for her to choose when and where.

That puts a lot of pressure on her, and it also makes it looks like you’ll make yourself available for her whenever she wants. Plus, you’re the man and you should be taking control. That’s way more attractive.

When you can do is suggest an evening option one day and an afternoon option another. For example: “Perfect, how about Thursday evening or Saturday afternoon?” This makes it easier for her to decide, and it hints that you’re a pretty busy guy, so time with you seems more valuable.

Keep these messages short. She already said yes, and you want to keep her attention focused on meeting up.

Anything else can be discussed in person, and it’s not the time to say ridiculous things to make her laugh. Why take any unnecessary risks right as the deal’s about to close?

Finally, give her your phone number and suggest she sends hers “in case something last-minute comes up” on either end.

ViRtual DAting ASsistants is your very own team of experts who set up high-quality dates for you so you can finally meet your ideal woman. Say goodbye to the hassle and frustration of online dating – we’ll craft an irresistible dating profile, send engaging messages, and even book your dates for you. Thousands of guys have already made lasting connections with beautiful women, and we’re ready to make you our next success story. All you need to do is schedule your free strategy session with us now.

Feeling frustrated because too many promising message exchanges are fizzling out and leaving you feeling rejected? Chances are you’re asking her out at the wrong time.

Try to move things off the app or site too soon, and you risk scaring her off. But stall too long and she’ll probably ghost in favor of a guy who isn’t afraid to go for it. She’s not going to wait forever for you to man up and ask her out! .

So when’s the best time to ask a girl out online?

You’re about to learn. At ViDA, we know a thing or two about how to ask a girl out online – we’ve been scoring tons of digits & dates with high quality, intriguing women for our clients since 2009. We track all our data meticulously, so we know what works (and what doesn’t).

These 3 tips on how to ask a girl to meet up with you for the first time will double your acceptance rate instantly!

Knowing exactly how and when to ask a woman out on a date is critical. She’s on Tinder and OkCupid for a reason, and it’s not to find a new penpal. But she probably won’t agree to meet a total stranger, or share her phone number, until she feels comfortable with you.

Our internal data revealed that the golden moment usually comes after you’ve received around 10 messages on a dating app, and 2 to 3 messages on a dating site.

These aren’t hard and fast numbers, of course. Every message exchange has its own pace and nuances. But that’s a general guideline for how long it takes to build up enough rapport and attraction for her to accept your offer.

Sometimes you’ll get lucky, and she’ll be so drawn to your epic profile and photos that she’ll say something in her very first message that makes it obvious she’s ready to meet you. Then you can throw the guidelines to the wind and ask her out right away.

But maybe reading the signs isn’t your strong suit. Good thing we’ve got a “Is she ready for me to ask her out” checklist right here:

Is your convo in the green? Congrats – proceed directly to tip #3 and learn exactly how to ask her out. But if you’re firmly in the red, this next tip is for you.

You have a narrow opportunity to turn the tide before she moves on. Here are some simple ways to get the conversation back on track:

    Mirror her messaging style. People typically feel more comfortable around those who remind them of themselves, so do things like mimic her greeting, message length, and messaging style. For instance, if she’s starts with “Hey, John,” open your next message with “Hey, Jennifer.” Use her first name. Dale Carnegie said it best – a person’s name is the sweetest sound they can hear. Create an emotional bond by using hers – and if you don’t know it, ask. Ask her a question in every message. You need to accomplish two things with every single message you send: Stay in charge of the conversation Make it easy for her to respond.

Asking her a question accomplishes both in one fell swoop. And here’s an added benefit – people love to talk about themselves. It literally makes her feel good, and you want her to associate that warm and fuzzy feeling with messaging you.

Most women are attracted to confident men, so the last thing you want to project is insecurity when you’re asking for the date.

Saying something insecure (and sad sack pathetic) like “You’re probably not into guys like me, but I thought I’d take a shot and see if you want to meet sometime…” is the kiss of death.

Here are some sure-fire ways to boost the odds she’ll say “Yes” to a date:

    Start with a statement you KNOW she’ll agree with. On a dating site like Match. com or OkCupid, you can say something like, “I’ve found that it’s impossible to predict chemistry online, even if you exchange endless back-and-forth messages… how about we grab coffee or cocktails sometime soon?” On an app like Tinder or Bumble, you’ll probably want to go with as shorter, more playful version like: “Let’s meet for coffee or drinks sometime. Talk, like real people 😉 Thoughts?” By saying things you KNOW she’ll agree with, you get small yeses that help lead to the bigger yes. Give her options. Our internal data proves your acceptance rate doubles when she can choose between two activities like coffee or drinks. Never just propose meeting for drinks – that will slash your acceptance rate in half. Start with “low-investment” activities. A cup of coffee or a glass of wine isn’t a huge time sink for her, so she’s more likely to agree to it. You can always extend the date if things are looking promising.

When she agrees to meet up, suggest a time and date. If you leave it open for her decide, that implies you can meet her whenever she wants. You want to make yourself look like an in-demand kind of guy, so say something like “Great, how about meeting Wednesday after work, or Sunday afternoon?”

It’s also a good idea to suggest a phone number swap, just in case something comes up at the last minute. Hard to argue with that logic, and it’s less likely she’ll flake if you have her number. Plus, if the date’s a few days out, it’s always a good idea to confirm again 24 hours or less before the meetup, just to ensure it’s still on.

Turning a message exchange into a date – especially with the kind of women all the guys want to meet – takes time, not to mention a lot of practice. You need to figure out what approach works for you, and what doesn’t. It will take some trial and error, but hopefully you’ll figure it out and meet someone special.

But what if you could skip the hard part and just meet high quality women right now?

With ViDA, you can. Our team of online dating experts handles everything from profile writing to messaging, and we’ll schedule dates with the kind of high quality women you deserve to date. All you have to do is show up.

If you’re ready to take the frustration out of dating and get real results, click here!

ViRtual DAting ASsistants is your very own team of experts who set up high-quality dates for you so you can finally meet your ideal woman. Say goodbye to the hassle and frustration of online dating – we’ll craft an irresistible dating profile, send engaging messages, and even book your dates for you. Thousands of guys have already made lasting connections with beautiful women, and we’re ready to make you our next success story. All you need to do is schedule your free strategy session with us now.

The AskMen Acquire team thoroughly researches & reviews the best gear, services and staples for life.

Approaching a woman to ask her out on a date is a nerve-wracking event even for the most steely-nerved among us. There’s the potential for embarrassment and rejection, and that’s enough to put most of us off the prospect altogether.

However, as your dad was probably fond of saying, nothing ventured, nothing gained, and if you want to go on dates, you are going to have to run the gauntlet at some point.

You can’t guarantee success, of course, but there are certain strategies that you can employ to maximize your chances of getting a “yes” when you ask someone out on a date. Here are 8 steps to give you the best possible chance of landing a date with the girl of your dreams:

If the woman you’re hoping to go on a date with isn’t even single, you’re going to be shot down pretty quickly, and that’s a waste of time for everyone (although, not bad practice!). It’s not always possible to find out ahead of time whether or not she’s single, especially if she’s a stranger in a bar, but if it’s someone you know through friends you can check ahead of time that, as far as they know, she’s interested in dating.

It’s also important to bear in mind that not every woman is interested in dating men, period. Remember that it’s possible that the girl of your dreams has a girl of her dreams, if you catch our drift. You don’t especially need to modify your behavior in this case — there’s no need to add weird, “unless you’re gay?” disclaimers when you ask her out — but it’s just something to keep in mind, and to be chill about if it turns out men aren’t her thing.

It’s possible to get some idea of how well things will go for you before you’ve so much as spoken a word to the girl you have your sights set on. It’s best not to go in cold, so spend some time gauging her level of interest in you ahead of time by paying attention to her body language and nonverbal cues.

Have you spoken to her before and, if so, how well did the interaction go? What was your level of rapport like? Does she make sustained eye contact with you and touch you where possible? These are all indications that she’s interested in you on some level, so try to pay attention to these details before you make your approach.

When you decide to approach the girl you’ve picked, the setting needs to be conducive to success. It can be embarrassing, for example, to ask a woman out if her friends or family are around and within earshot, and likewise if she’s busy doing daily activities like commuting or shopping for groceries — it’s likely she won’t want to be disturbed in this case, and you’re more likely to get an annoyed “no thanks” when you ask in inconvenient settings.

The ideal setting is going to depend somewhat on how well you already know this girl and where you tend to run into her most often (through a circle of friends versus occasionally bumping into her at your local bar, say), but try to be conscious of asking her out in an environment where romantic advances are likely to be welcome. Make her feel comfortable and be respectful, and she’s much more likely to want to spend more time with you.

This is a basic step, but one that men sometimes slip up on. You will drastically increase your odds of success if you have a fresh haircut and clipped fingernails, and if you’re freshly showered and smelling good (and of a well-selected fragrance, perhaps). Consider your outfit, too: there’s no need to be wearing a three piece suit, but make sure you are tidily dressed.

How you look is not merely a superficial consideration: looking your best gives an indication of your level of self-respect and attention to detail, and these are important cues that women will be picking up on. Again, you don’t need to be dressed like the nines and looking like a male model at all times; the point is to be fresh, clean and radiating self-respect.

We know it’s not always easy, but if you’re approaching with fiddling hands and eyes darting nervously around the place, you’re not going to have as much luck as if you stroll up confidently and with open body language and strong posture. If you struggle in this area, the “fake it ’til you make it” maxim applies.

Asking someone out is usually at least a little bit awkward on both sides, so it doesn’t need to be a perfectly seamless interaction, but try to have a level of good-faith humor if the conversation gets a bit bumpy — it’s preferable to shutting down and stammering, for example. Basically, try to talk to women with the same ease with which you’d speak to your colleagues or friends, but with a more flirty tone.

There’s no need to have every single line you’re going to say polished and rehearsed, of course, but it’s a good idea to have a basic idea of what you’ll talk about ahead of time. Make a mental note of how you’re going to open, what you’ll say in the interim and how you are going to phrase asking her out.

Be straightforward and polite, and make your intentions clear: there’s no point darting around the fact that you’re looking for a date. Use straightforward language like “would you like to have dinner with me this weekend?” or “Are you free for a drink after work this week?” rather than “it’d be cool if we could hang out some time” — that way, there’s less room for confusion.

Let’s say she says “yes” when you ask her out on a date. Congratulations! That’s the ideal result. However, you’re going to need to think about what to say as a follow up — you’re going to look silly if she says “what kind of date?” and you’ve given this no consideration.

Dinner or drinks at a nice bar are a pretty safe fallback option, but avoid saying “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” — it makes you look flaky and indecisive, and puts the work on her to think of an idea even though you’re the one who has requested the date. Propose an activity and set a time, and then gracefully exit, and let the rest of your conversation take place on the date itself.

Fingers crossed it doesn’t get to this point, but the reality is, rejection is a normal (and healthy) part of asking women out on dates. If she’s not into the idea of going out with you for whatever reason, you’re going to have to take it on the chin.

Don’t pester her or ask “Whyyyyyyy?” like a three-year-old who’s been told he can’t have a friend over or play with his toys. Flash her a smile, say something polite and low-key like “that’s fine, have a great night!” and walk away. Try not to take rejection too personally: it happens to everyone, and there’s a good chance it’s not about you. The more relaxed you are about dealing with it, the less it seems like a terrible, self-esteem-crushing fate when it does occur.

So, that’s how you ask a woman out. None of these steps are rocket science, but they will help the interaction to go as smoothly as possible and maximize your chances of getting a “yes”. Remember, it’s a numbers game, so don’t give up after your first rejection: the girl of your dreams might be the second, third or fourth one you ask!

Not all dates stem from asking someone out in person, and while a lot of the above tips apply to online dating too, they don’t get you much closer to asking someone out online. Here are the top AskMen picks for dating sites you should try:

AskMen Recommends: You may not have heard of it before, but Zoosk is sort of the little engine that could of online dating. With the highest ratings of any site in AskMen’s online dating reviews, Zoosk is our top pick if you’re looking for the best site out there. Well-designed, easy to use and packed with singles, it’s a solid option no matter what you’re looking for.

AskMen Recommends: If you’re the type of person who gravitates towards name brands, consider Match. The well-known dating site has been around since the ’90s, making it perhaps the most successful dating site of all time. And far from being stuck in the past, Match has evolved with the times, offering you a great, modern online dating experience.

AskMen Recommends: If you’re looking for someone serious to get serious with, EliteSingles might be the option for you. The site bills itself as being for ambitious and successful people, so if you’re, say, a doctor or a lawyer looking for someone like you to settle down with, this might be just what the doctor (heh) ordered.

AskMen may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. The links are independently placed by our Commerce team and do not influence editorial content. To find out more, please read our complete terms of use.

Leave a Reply